It’s easy to get consumed by the metrics of social media, and easy to get lulled into a false sense of security about how well you are doing based on likes, shares and comments. To be fair, it is easier to create traffic using social media than to maintain it. Recently, I read a book called ReThinking the Sexual Revolution. It has more relevance to marketing than you might think.

For the past 2 decades, we as marketers have been pushing against a social tide of promiscuity and short-term relationships. 30 years ago, people had decades-long relationships with their bank. Today, the average bank relationship is less than 5 years.

The almost instant response from social media posts is addictive, and to be fair, it is relatively easy and fits with the instant-gratification world we live in. The truth, however, is that it is really hard to build long-term success and customer relationships with nothing but a social media strategy. Social media brand relationships are at best transient and at worst transactional.

The problem to solve isn’t how to get better at social media marketing to grow your brand; the issue is how to transition your customers from transient to committed.

Back to the sexual revolution… attracting people is about being interesting, flashy, funny or entertaining. Being in a relationship is about knowing someone, understanding them, and constantly anticipating and meeting their needs.

Social media is amazing at attracting people, but by its very nature, hopeless at knowing someone. How do you get to know a customer the same way you get to know a girlfriend or a boyfriend? You talk to them as if they are the only one you are talking to. You observe what they do, and you respond in a way that lets them know you understand them and you care.

Only one… Personalisation is all about making a customer feel that your communication has been created for them, so a message that feels surreal but not creepy. Regular personalised communication builds relationships; constant bombardment with generic messages disengages.

Observe… Customer data is the most valuable data you can have: purchases, visits to your website, calls to your call centre, enquiries, complaints, email opens, and clicks. These data are fragments of conversations. Conversations that are unique between you and your customer, conversations that your competitors do not have. This information can be the heart of your competitive advantage; unlike social media posts, they are deep and personal.

Respond… Knowing something about someone and then not using it in a conversation is unforgivable. How do you feel when you told someone your birthday, and then when you meet them on your birthday, they are silent? That’s how your customers feel when you make them offers they are not interested in at a time when they are not interested. So we need to be responsive to the information we have, both in terms of content and timing. The right message at the wrong time is the same as saying Merry Christmas in October: good intention, wrong time.

I’m not advocating for customer marketing over social media marketing; you need both. If you want to be sustainably successful, you need both. If you want to transition from a series of one-night stands to a relationship, then you need to start personalising, observing and being responsive. CRM doesn’t require flashy, it requires sincerity.